Friday, 25 July 2008

Because He Loved Me

At 7.15am on the 25th July 2001, life as he knew it ended for my beloved dad. His journey into a new realm began and life for those he left behind was devastated. A new world opened up to us, one for which we were totally unprepared. As I made my way to Wigan Infirmary after hearing my mum's calm yet distressed voice, I prayed that my worst fears would not come true. Amy sat oblivious in her pram, I collapsed in my brother's arms. My family took it in turns to see the empty shell of what remained of my father whilst I stared at a magnolia wall. I could not bring myself to see him. Two days previously I had waved him goodbye as he set off for his evening walk with the dog. I could not accept his passing. However wrong it may sound to some, I will never accept it. He will always walk beside me and guide me through the life that I still know.


I cry for him. Often. Listening to songs and pieces of music can trigger thoughts. I remember my childhood and all the wonderful things he did for me as I grew up. The times he stood by me when he could have walked away; the job he gave me when he could have refused; the money he bestowed upon me so that I could be happy. And now, the life he has left me; the lessons I have learned. I will always hear his voice, smell his aftershave, see his eyes light up. I will always play the piano for him as his photograph looks down with tearful gaze. I will never let him go. Even though he found the light, I know he will always come back for me. If I have put him on a pedestal it is because he deserves to be there. I am choosy. Particular. My husband stands beside him.

One of my favourite songs was sung by the beautiful Celine Dion. It is called, Because You Loved Me. I understand that this song was most probably written for a lover but the words are incredibly fitting for the way I feel about my dad. Each word is my dad. Below are the lyrics of the song:-

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful
You're the one who held me up
And never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through, through it all
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am Because you loved me
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
The light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you
You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'cause you believed
I'm everything I am Because you loved me


His body has now been at rest for 7 years. His spirit free, his love pure. He will continue to be my inspiration and I will continue to acknowledge his love.


29th May 1943 - 25th July 2001

28 comments:

  1. Oh Crystal - my heart goes out to you today, on the anniversary of his passing. What a special man he was, and what a wonderful tribute to him.

    I'm so glad you are comforted by the knowledge he is with you in spirit and that you WILL be together again, one day. x

    ReplyDelete
  2. A beautiful tribute to your father, and beautiful song.
    Hugs for you today.

    ReplyDelete
  3. That's a great tribute - I'm a few days late but my thoughts are with you at the moment.

    ReplyDelete
  4. i love this tribute...very beautiful, crystal xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  5. A lovely tribute - how wonderful to be so close to your dad.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You were indeed blessed to have been born of a loving father who meant the world to you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. It is clear how much he meant to you and if there is any justice in this world, let us hope he is still looking down on you and keeping you safe. I know I miss my Dad so badly - he died in the same year as yours - and I would do anything to have him back just for five minutes.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Your dad is so very much with you.

    And it seems his best carried over to you.

    Love,

    Suzy

    ReplyDelete
  9. Awwww....Sweetheart! Beautiful...Big HUG for you today!!!!hughugs

    ReplyDelete
  10. All parents deserve to be on pedestals.

    You honour him so wonderfully.

    ReplyDelete
  11. What a beautiful tribute to a loving father. Very lovingly and well written and it almost had me in tears. I came over from David's and was really pleased to see you in the Sunday Roast! felt proud that I correspond with you already!

    ReplyDelete
  12. An absolutely beautiful and heartfelt tribute to your father, the man who gave you life and brought you through that life.

    A beautiful song too.

    An excellent post. So well written.

    (((HUGS))) to you from a daddy's girl. :0)

    (Great interview at David's - brilliant and natural.)

    ReplyDelete
  13. "I could not accept his passing ... I will never accept it." How I do pray to know such a devotion and reverential respect in the Heart of a Woman to whom I have enthusiastically given all that is my Being. Your Husband, and your Dad before, and beside him, are two Men ... blessed with the very best that this Life can offer. Your beautiful expression of your magnificent Heart's song, has stilled me. And I know a new aspect of a life-long dream. Thank You.

    Loving admiration ...

    ReplyDelete
  14. crystal-just wanted to stop by and tell you how much i enjoyed the interview at david's. who wouldn't love your thoughts and words? :)

    ReplyDelete
  15. What a lovely tribute. What a special man he must have been, and always will be. I am so sorry for your loss, even though it was 7 years ago, you still feel like it was yesterday. Treasure your lovely memories, they will keep you going til you meet again.

    I know this is trivial in comparison,but there is an award for you at mine.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I am glad you so unashamedly and full heartedly love your father. Not many of us have that chance or that ability. I envy you for the opportunity and am glad that there aren't all sorts of complicating factors in your way to do that. I carry a little flame inside of me for my father and it can only be small, because of what he did and it is very complicated. Wish it were different and more like yours, but such is life.

    ReplyDelete
  17. What a beautiful tribute, Crystal, and so moving. My thoughts are with you.

    Hugs xx

    ReplyDelete
  18. Yes, a very moving and lovingly written tribute to your father.. he must have been a remarkable character, and I am certain he still walks with you now.

    ReplyDelete
  19. Beautiful, you do him proud, mimi

    ReplyDelete
  20. I dont think a man ever really understands the meaning that life can offer until he becomes a father.To have left such a mark in your life he was clearly a great Dad. He may have moved on,but is he gone?, NO! he will never go, because your love for him ,and his for you, can not be broken .Love is the bond that joins this World to the next.
    Ever started thinking about him when your right in the middle of doing something?, just out of the blue you start thinking about your father for no apparent reason,without any sudden reminder like a photo, or hearing a song he liked. Then it is at those times he is closest to you, returning to see your doing ok and also to see that the World is being kind to you. Your dad will always love you, because there is nothing quite like being a dad, ,it changes entire meaning .I suppose what im trying to say is, To your Dad, you are his meaning,and you always will be.

    Its easy, tempting even, to torture ourselves with the thoughts of "Loss", because whenever anyone pass away, the only words people seem to be able to muster are " Im so sorry for your loss", they are not being thoughtless,rather they are thinking the opposite ,but the unintended result is to weave in to the emotionally upset mind the idea of death equating to a "Loss",and loss implys "Gone forever".
    But we know, that you know there is more to this World than just this World,and that death is not "Loss" in the respect of "Forever",but rather " Temporary physical seperation".

    Every father at some point will have said " just do your best", so if thats the benchmark, then you have already made him proud. We will see you soon.Take care.

    PS Hope you like the rabbit skin.

    ReplyDelete
  21. beautiful words my dear. Hugs to you.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Not everyone can say half of this about their father.

    You've said it extremely well.

    ReplyDelete
  23. A wonderful tribute to your Dad. We are approaching the anniversary of my Dad'd death, August 13th.

    Denise
    (Friend of Gary's)

    PS I will add you to my blog list, always nice to come across fellow northerners.

    ReplyDelete
  24. A lovely tribute to your father Crystal. He was a very special man, and I know he would be very proud of you. It is wonderful to know that you take comfort in knowing he is still with you in spirit.

    xx

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for leaving a comment. I try my best to reply to each one individually.