Unable to Resist. An Extract.

Camilla has arrived at Marcus' house, unsure about whether she is welcome. This scene follows a brief encounter between the two where Camilla made the decision to reveal her gift of mediumship. Please bear in mind that at this stage, the couple are platonic friends even though they have romantic feelings towards each other.


“You can come here anytime, you know that. Have you something you want to talk about or is it a social call?”

I pondered that question for a moment. It was as though my face was telling a story to this man who seemed to read people like a book. He had spent most of his life listening to people’s problems, counselling them and consoling them in their hour of need. Had he seen that look in my eyes? Did he know that my visit was not just to see him but to tell him about the bizarre reading I gave Angus the previous day? I knew I was risking our friendship again should I have told him about the messages I received yet I had to tell him. I felt that our friendship could not move forward unless I was honest with him. So I risked it.

“Please don’t by angry with me but I need to tell you something.” I took a sip of the coffee he made for me.

“You aren’t going to reveal another secret are you?” his lips smiled while his eyes were unsure.

“I’m afraid I am.”

He sighed. “I’m listening.”

“I gave a reading to my friend’s brother yesterday. I was visited by two souls whom I suspect were his grandparents, and my own grandmother gave me a message too.”

“Why have you chosen to tell this to me?”

“I need to talk to someone who might understand. I thought you were my friend.” I began to worry that Marcus would ask me to leave. Instead, he came over to me and cupped my face in his hands.

“I've grown terribly fond of you, Camilla. You have to understand that I want to be a part of your life but you're making it so difficult for me.”

“I don’t want it to be difficult for you, Marcus. I just want you to listen." I placed my fore and middle fingers gently against his lips. "Don’t say anything, just listen.”

He nodded his head, still a little reluctant to hear my words.

I continued. “Angus is going to experience heartache. Someone close to him is going to pass over and I have no idea who it is. But then I got a message from who I suspect was his grandmother telling me that Lucia is sick. Her concern was meant for me too. It was as though the person who is going to pass is Lucia.”

“Aren’t you reading too much in to it?” his expression began to show disbelief.

“I could be.” I bit my bottom lip. “Will you speak to Lucia and find out just how sick she is?”

“Me?” He scratched his head, combing his fingers through his hair. “Why me?”

“She knows how much I admire you. You’re a priest and you know the right words to use.” My voice rose at the end of each sentence, he was softening to my pleas.

“I’ll speak to her, if it'll help but I still don’t agree with it.”

I hugged him, feeling the warmth of his skin pressed against my cheek. How much I needed his affection right there and then. I drew away, slowly, looking into his eyes, recognising the same look boring into mine. Our lips were just centimetres apart and I could not resist the temptation of drawing him closer. As his lips touched mine, my whole body shook, my stomach danced and my heart melted. Passion overwhelmed my thoughts. Marcus continued to kiss me, gripping me in lustful embrace. He moved his lips from mine, I threw my head back as he began to caress my neck with his mouth, his hands now moving gently up and down my back, around my shoulders, finally settling firmly around me. Withdrawing from me, he took hold of my hand and began to lead me to the stairs. I was unsure. I could not see past the feelings of forbidden love, feelings I was trying so desperately to ignore.

Giving in to temptation I allowed him to take me upstairs, into his bedroom, into his bed. I allowed him to undress me, each button on my blouse, silk falling loosely from my skin. His touch was incredible, releasing each of my senses; he kissed my body, every part of me, sending me into a frenzy of uncontrollable lust. I needed him so much, his voice in my ear, his touch against my aroused body. And I had him. Upon his moans of pleasure and his satisfied claims, he lifted from me, settling by my side.

He turned towards me, shining eyes and a comfortable smile. I was suddenly aware that I lay in his bed, naked and perspiring, trembling. For a reason in which I stumbled it began to feel wrong; my mind wandered to our different lives.

“We shouldn’t have done that,” I said almost reluctantly. I sat up, pulling the sheets over my body, a part of me wondering why I was trying to hide when I had just let Marcus explore every inch of my once hidden self.

“You were wonderful.” He sighed, joining me beneath the sheets. His arms once more wrapped around me as he pulled me into him. I rested my head upon his chest, running my fingers along the contours of his beautiful body.

“I think I need to go.” I did not want to leave him but I was afraid. Afraid that this moment of passion might end up threatening our friendship.

“I love you.”

Marcus’ heart was beating fast. I could feel the steady racing rhythm against my cheek. For a split second I thought I heard him say that he loved me. I sat up and pulled the sheets from me, intending to leave the bed. But he pulled me back, a firm grip on my shoulders as his eyes searched for an answer.

“I love you.” There it was again. My head seemed to be exploding as I watched his lips move and the words escape.

“You don’t have to say that.” Should he have been expecting me to return his affection I could not. I did not know if I loved Marcus then. I could not lie to him nor could I build up his hopes that our relationship was about to explore a new level.

“I know I don’t have to say it but I am because I mean it. I want you in my life."

“What do you want me to say?”

He placed his fingers against my lips, as I had done to him earlier.

"Perhaps you should just listen. I loved you the first moment I set eyes on you at Rosehill. When we went for that walk through your fields I realised then that one day I would tell you what I'm telling you now.” He kissed me, as though relieved at having revealed his feelings.

“I really do have to go, Marcus.”

“Then go,” he released his grip. I moved away and sat on the end of the bed fumbling about for my underwear. “But you will come back. You will always come back.”

I did not know why he was saying such words, it was like he was someone else. He was almost reciting my future, telling me how I would feel; patronising me with his confident predictions. I got dressed, hurriedly, impatient to leave the house. Our passionate encounter had been spoilt, I was almost coming round to the idea of having a relationship with the village priest yet now he had made me wonder if it could ever be possible. He could not tell me he loved me and expect me to love him back. I hardly knew him. We had only met a handful of times. We shared little in common and our beliefs alone were enough to keep us apart.

My car journey home was a blur. I felt I needed to bathe as quickly as possible, remove all traces of Marcus’ hands and the softness of his caress. I could still feel his breath on my face and the sound of his whispering voice in my ear. His moans echoed around my head as I lay in the bath, thinking about his incredible and sensual touch. I could feel myself becoming aroused again. The feeling of inapt was fading from my mind and I found myself wanting to be with him, clenched in his arms, smothered by his love.

I got out of the bath, covering myself with the towel. Still wet I found clean clothes and got dressed. I could think of only one thing. Yet I kept telling myself that I did not love him. I did not need him in my life though knew I could not stop myself from wanting to be with him.

I was back in his bed within the hour.