Thursday, 3 May 2012

Carry On Operating

Wednesday: After a somewhat sleepless night, I managed to find myself feeding pet lambs at 6am. The fresh air did me good. I expected to be shattered, but I was too deep in thought to consider sleep. The morning seemed to drag. Then at 1pm we got into the car and drove to the hospital. It was the journey I'd been dreading for the past two months. The imminent staring out of the window, rushing through the patchwork quilt of Northumbrian countryside, knowing our destination would bring melancholy feelings. We just about managed to park the car; visiting hours had started when we arrived which meant rush hour within hospital grounds. We walked silently to the main entrance, finding our way to the ward. Endless corridors, solemn faces, a walk that I thought may never end. The ward was busy with people, chattering, discussing, questioning. We were taken to an end bed next to a window, looking out onto a splendid view of fields. The Farmer nervously unpacked his bag, asking if I'd remembered the sweets.

I sat down on the bed and a nurse came pounding towards us. "What is it, pet?" she asked, taking the emergency buzzer off the bed after I flung myself to my feet, realising I'd sat on the damn thing.

It broke the ice. The Farmer was at ease as he sat down and looked at the pile of magazines I'd bought for him. Cars, footballers, birds of the feathered variety. Countryside scenes made him feel more at home. We sat and whispered to each other for half an hour, not used to being in the company of strangers and unwilling to share our conversation. "You get off," he said, always the thoughtful one. I didn't want to leave him but I did want to go. I hate hospitals. Always have and always will. Though I realise how fortunate we are to have them; if only we didn't need them.

I lent over and kissed him gently before pulling away and whispering "I love you." He said the same as he noticed a friendly nurse coming towards us. "Aye, aye," the nurse said, "you giving out kisses?"

"Aye," he said. "But I'll be charging for the next ones."

He'd parked the car close to the window by his bed. Strange how that was the only space we could find after trawling through several car parking areas. He stood at the window and waved to me as I got into the car. I looked up at him and tears came. I was glad he wouldn't have seen them. Through blurred eyes I started the engine, turning to him as he once more waved to me. One of the toughest things I've ever done in recent years; waving to my husband then returning home knowing he wouldn't be there.

Happy Anniversary to my darling husband
3rd May 2003

17 comments:

  1. Ahh he'll be all right before you know it. Look forward to having a bored farmer at home, who was told to rest and will be chasing you from a to b getting profoundly on your nerves (I find there is nothing worse than bored husbands, not even a bore teenager!) Love to you and your family. Will be thinking of you today xxxx

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  2. Happy Anniversary, hope all goes smoothly and that you have him home getting on your nerves before you know it! Xx

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  3. If only we didn't need hospitals. But we do, and he does, and he will hopefully be home before you know it x

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  4. Beautifully written but I have to admit that I gaffawed with laughter at the thought of you accidently sitting on the emergency button. Lots of love and best widshes for a successful operation and a speedy recovery xxx.

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  5. I know what you mean about hospitals, but then I suppose most of us feel the same. And let's be eternally thankful for the NHS - my brother lives in America and the thought of being ill there fills me with dread. Nice to hear the Geordie voices on the ward and I feel like I know James a bit better now too! Happy anniversary! xx

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  6. Everything will be fine. Hope everything goes ok with the operation. He'll be back to his old self in no time Kathryn. xx

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  7. happy anniversary...and i know it is hard...and he will be ok...he is in good hands...

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  8. This really is wonderful article ! I simply love’d it !happy anniversary

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  9. Sorry, I've not commented before but I really wanted to send you some hugs and say sorry you're going through a tough time. I am sure all will be fine and everything will be back to normal soon. Lots of love xxx

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  10. Hugs, best wishes, healing thoughts and reiki all on the way to you.
    Farmer will be home before you know it.

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  11. oops! Happy Anniversary! You can prepare a big celebration for when he gets home!

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  12. Looks as though I've missed some posts lately. Good luck to your husband, CJ. Must catch up here.

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  13. Thats a pity the Anniversary won't happen until he gets home.
    The hospital stay will soon be over!
    My next door neighbour has just come back from hospital after quite a big op and he is doing very well.
    He was a smoker & that did worry me a bit....... but it is all OK.
    I'm sure the farmer will be fine too.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

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  14. A beautiful post, Kathryn. Best, sweetie. :) xx

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  15. Hi Crystal, I hope everything goes well. I'm just stopping by to say how delightful your blog is. Thanks so much for sharing. I have recently found your blog and am now following you, and will visit often. Please stop by my blog and perhaps you would like to follow me also. Have a wonderful day. Hugs, Chris
    http://chelencarter-retiredandlovingit.blogspot.ca/

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  16. Happy Anniversary, thinking of you both whilst your apart x

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