Tuesday, 8 May 2012

Comfort Blanket

I guess as bank holidays go, this one has been pretty naff. The Farmer isn't doing so good and has to stay in hospital longer than first planned. It could be next week before I bring him home. I'm sure the doctors and nurses are doing all they can to help him but it's so damn frustrating. The farm just feels like somewhere I live right now; when he's here, it's my home. Every waking moment is spent working in some form or another, perhaps to take my mind off the sadness. I don't seem to have time to do anything because real life is so overwhelming. I never realised I had an auto-pilot setting built in, something new I've learned this year. I've recently grown up. Yet I still take my toy rabbit to bed every night. She comforts me as I stroke her soft ears. She makes me forget, just for a moment, that I'm one of those adult people with responsibilities; and allows me to be a child again.

I'm having a day off hospital visiting today. My chores have taken me to a drive in the opposite direction to pick up sheep supplies and feed for the lambs. I noticed the dogs' food is dwindling too, something else I can't ignore. I knew these times would come, yet I wasn't sure what to expect. Perhaps that makes sense, perhaps it sounds like self-pity. Right now, I'm too busy and too wrapped up in real life to care.

I just want him home. I want to stroke my rabbit's ears and smile. Feeling negative is something I'm not used to. I just want him home.

17 comments:

  1. Don't worry, just have faith. He will be back soon.

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  2. Oh Kathryn I am so sorry. I remeber the times too well when I wanted OH home from hospital knowing he was in good hands, yet not trusting they were good enough. I wanted my small world to be intact again. ... There is nothing wrong with letting your sentiments out, actually it's a way to help you cope. Thank God for auto pilots and thank God for routines. If you have to think about every step you take the smallest hill feels like the Mount Everest. Sending healing vibes to James (maybe it is just a way to make sure he gets the rest he needs after the OP , he above, sometimes has funny ideas about what is good for us) and comforting vibes for you and Amy. I am sure she feels something isn't as it should be.

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  3. Having been there, I know just how you feel, and he will be home very soon, but it's so hard when this happens. I hope you have good friends around yhou to help - and of course you have Amy. Take care. Hugs xx

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  4. One day at a time, plod along and before you know it, he'll be home again. X

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  5. he will be home soon....smiles....but i know the feeling...

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  6. I am so sorry you are going through a tough time. I hope he is home soon. Lots of hugs x

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  7. I know what auto-pilot is like. And it gets you through. xo

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  8. It's horrible when someone's missing from home, more so when it's your OH...hope all goes well with his recovery. My Dad came home too soon after his op a few weeks ago and it caused more serious problems, so it's good your hubby's still there right now! Thinking of you. x

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  9. Hope he gets better very soon sending lots of love.
    Janexxx

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  10. :~) that's me sending love and virtual support. xxx

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  11. I hope he is home soon, too. Hang in there.

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  12. Hope the farmer comes home very soon and that he is doing well.
    Maggie X

    Nuts in May

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  13. Thank you so much for your good wishes of support x

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  14. Thank you so much for your good wishes of support x

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  15. sorry to hear that he has to stay in longer than expected.... just keep doing what you are doing, that is keep yourself busy and he will be home soon enough....

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  16. Whatever else can be said of the NHS, they rarely keep someone in if it's not necessary (especially given the pressure on bed space) so he's in the right place. Coming out of hospital too soon is never a good idea, however badly he might want to leave or how much you want/need him back.

    I think you can look at this two ways - you can be sad that he's not there and work like a demon to keep your mind off things (and risk exhausting yourself for when he comes out), or you can have some rare time on your own and relish it. I don't mean that to sound callous, as if you should be pleased he's out of the way, especially given the circumstances. I just mean indulge yourself a bit. I realise the farm needs to keep going so you're probably busy enough with the stuff you have to do, but don't make extra work for yourself just to get through it. He needs to come home to a relaxed, happy, slightly rested wife who isn't stressed by her time without him! Have long baths, read books, watch terrible TV, secure in the knowledge that he is in the right place, in good hands, and he will be back when the time is right.

    And of course you can always vent etc on here!

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