Thursday, 14 February 2013

Being Nice Helps

In my life as a businesswoman, I see such a lot of piss-takers that it beggars belief. I sometimes go to bed at night and wonder how people get through their day. I wake up in the morning and cringe when switching on my computer, waiting for another email from someone thinking they have the upper hand when really, they're just a complete numpty with no idea how to be professional. I was chatting to my good friend Elaine yesterday and saying how I'm really quite shy and lack confidence when it comes to my book, yet when it comes to the farm and my livelihood, I find myself all gun's blazing, sleeves rolled up and determined to take no shit. I used the words 'I'm a woman on a mission' which is very true. I'm slowly learning to get into the same frame of mind with my books and eventually I'll get there, but I still find it irritating how so-called professional organisations 'assume' I will cave in and say "oh, go on then, why not..." Somehow, somewhere along the line, I got myself a reputation for being nice. I am nice. Most of the time. That is until someone takes the piss and then they realise I'm a woman on a mission.

'It's nice to be important, but it's not important to be nice.'

I know, awful isn't it. I heard that on the radio years ago; a DJ thinking he was clever. And nice. And important. None of which he was. In my personal life I've been a mug, a doormat, a pushover, you name it, I've been it. But I've learned, over the years, that letting people in my professional life walk all over me does me no favours in the long run. I will be nice when I need to be, which is most of the time. And when I need to be professional, I will be nice then, too. But when someone comes along and takes the piss, the above motto applies. 

And whilst I'm being nice, the support I have received over the last five days whilst promoting Nightingale Woods on Social Media has been phenomenal. I thank all those who have retweeted, shared, liked, downloaded, promoted and generally been amazing, from the heart of my bottom. 

And the bottom of my heart. 
CJ x

26 comments:

  1. When it comes to work or my kids I am a bull dog! I take no prisoners at all! If something needs done in work I'm the one sent out to sort out difficult people. Certainly don't disrespect my kids! Then people see a side of me thats not so pleasant. Yet, when it comes to protecting my own feelings I am a pushover! I'm probably too tired by that point to worry about myself lol. Anyway, good luck with the new book. And, as the song lyrics go.......'I am woman, hear me roar'! lol.

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    1. I know what you mean, Jonty. I'm a bulldog when it comes to Amy - and that's putting it mildly!

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  2. I've met a lot of smarmy business men in my time and I've caught quite a few out too. I'm with you all the way in standing your ground and not being a pushover. By the way, I've ordered Nightingale Woods from Amazon (the book, that is, not the kindle) and am looking forward to reading it.

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    1. So glad you got the book - I know you'll love the jacket cover (hope you quite like the content, too!).

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  3. I have also met a lot of smarmy men in my life, they think they are the bees knees and irresistible on all levels, and they take it very personally if they come across some female who doesn't go weak at the knees. I took great delight in bringing them down to size, but oh so nicely that it took a while for the message to sink in, for the irony to hit home. Or maybe they were as dense as they were smarmy!
    You know my thoughts on 'being nice' - I am trying to be nicer and kinder. I find keeping to myself helps!

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    1. I do keep to myself a lot too, Maggie, but running a business often throws spanners in the works that need dealing with there and then - but I do try to be nice!

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  4. I'm nice until someone crosses me, then they find out their mistake. It's not good to let people walk all over you I agree. x

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    1. Yep, same here. I don't like being crossed, taken for granted, treated like a fool etc. Soft I may be, but deep down I'm tough as old boots!

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  5. Kathryn, you've got to look after No 1 (and No 2 and No 3) and it's difficult sometimes to square up, but I know you are up to it! :-) Jo

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    1. I do hope so - no, I know so!! Yes. *determined expression*

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    2. You are, Mrs. Shoulders back, head up, let them have it if they deserve it.

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  6. It's hard to find that line between nice and firm, at least I find it hard. I don't want to upset people but at the same time you do need to look out for yourself.
    I think you're lovely!

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    1. You're lovely too, Mrs Teepot. We have some good banter on Twitter where Corrie's concerned, don't we?! With some of the numpties I deal with in my professional life, that line is often crossed!

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  7. I Honestly try to be nice and AM...most of the time always remembering that I don't walk in other people's shoes...They may have experienced a death...job loss...or someone had just been cruel to Them right before they chose to unload on me. BUT! I will Not suffer fools...crude language that absolutely serves No purpose in a conversation what so Ever will set me off. You have "teaching moments" in the way you respond. I choose to "teach" the angry person or moron, there's a way in life that you should conduct yourself...I use the English Language to nail them...then if they choose to ignore my advice or they continue to berate me, I simply end the conversation.
    In all my years of dealing with the public, the One man who called our shop to have work done but thought he was being "forgotten", screamed at me, "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?".....My response was simply, "No sir? Do you need assistance in finding that fact out?" He immediately snapped out of his anger and started to laugh, after realizing the absurdity of the question.
    When someone experiences success, as you have, sometimes others become envious...That's something that will happen EVEN if it's your very best friend...Remember YOUR journey...Be Proud of what you've accomplished and just believe in yourself. I am SO proud of you sweetheart...Don't "let" other people's negativity drag you down.
    Remember the old saying? It's not the destination...it's the journey!
    I guess I could have just written, "Ignore the nitwits" but for some odd reason I chose to write a short story...Hahaaaa
    So...guess I'll end by saying your future as a writer is Sparkling bright...You're Good...Once you truly believe it it won't "matter" what others think...
    Happy Valentine's Day!
    hughugs

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    1. And you are a complete star! I love what you said to that man - they do ask ridiculous questions sometimes, especially if they think they have the upper hand. I'm really learning to ignore the nitwits, and recently I've been doing well. You know me, Donna, I let things get on top of me and then I back down and pretend it's all okay. I bottle things up then blurt it all out. But I'm slowly (but surely) discovering the way forward. xx

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  8. Kathryn, I did a talk at a Gateshead Library last night and held up your book which I happened to have with me in my handbag because I am reading it myself. I talked about you and your blog and the fact you had written two books, and how very professional your book is. (By the way, I am claiming 10% if you get a surge in sales from Gateshead.)

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    1. You deserve a gold medal, let alone 10%. With everything you've achieved and done in your professional (and personal) life, and yet you still do that for me, I am truly grateful. Good to know you were doing a talk in a library, too. Lots of our North East libraries are being threatened with closure and it's so sad. xx

      p.s. another good deed - is there a sequel on its way?!

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  9. I used to get all my books from Gateshead library btw.
    I am currently reading Mrs. Moneypenny's latest book (Careers Advice for Ambitious Women) and she says that most women worry about not being liked so when they have to make an unpleasant decision or stand their ground, they worry that it will damage a relationship or that the other person won't like us. Men don't do that; they do what they have to do and most of the time no one hates them for it.
    I have to go into battle in about an hour (on behalf of one of my kids, natch) and I've decided I don't care whether the person on the other end of the phone likes me or not. When you get to my age you tend to do that LOL.

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    1. I sooo agree with Mrs. Moneypenny. That is exactly what I am like!

      Hope the battle wasn't too unpleasant... x

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  10. I don't care if people I don't know don't like me; it's water off a duck's back. But when people who I like suddenly stop liking me, I wobble, and start to wonder if I'm doing something wrong. Ultimately though, I've learned that I just have to be myself, and if nobody likes it? Tough!

    It was so lovely to chat with you yesterday. We're all the same ya know...we have the same fears and reservations, the same wobbles. Sometimes, all it takes is for someone to tell you you're doing everythig right, and suddenly it all seems ok again. Hold your head up high, do what you have to do and to hell with the people who point their fingers. They're not worth wasting your time over :) x

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    1. Past caring here too, Elaine. There are a lot of people in the world and I guess we can't be nice to all of them - of expect them all to like us! You've done masses to help me, I can't thank you enough x

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  11. Love Donna's response to that man! :D Being nice is so important, even when I am super cross about something I try not to take it out on someone else, especially if they are just trying to do their job. :D

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