Friday, 18 October 2013

Parent Bloggers...Stop!

Why is it, that every so often we see a burst of parent blogs jumping to the forefront of social media with their "do it this way" bollocks and "your method isn't as good as mine" rubbish? Why do parent bloggers feel they have to justify their methods, their choice to breast feed, their choice to bottle feed, their choice to co-sleep, to seek professional advice, to use disposables or Terry's, controlled crying, when to toilet train... The list goes on and on and on... We all need a bit of advice from time to time and suggestions, particularly from experienced parents, are often helpful, but I read over and over again, and have done for many years now, posts where bloggers get defensive as soon as a commenter doesn't agree with their method.

Stop trying to justify the way you bring up YOUR child. You are talking to complete strangers who don't give a shit whether you breast feed or bottle feed, whether you co-sleep or leave your bairn to scream the house down. And if you feel you DO need to justify yourself then I fear you are perhaps feeling rather insecure and need clarification that your way is the best way. Are you looking for throngs of comments telling you you're doing it right? Are you hoping to start an endless debate about why she still has a cranky kid on her hands whilst yours is happily settled into a routine?

And for the people who think it okay to dictate to parents about the way they should and should not care for and nurture their offspring, i.e. The Parenting Police, why don't you just carry on having babies and concentrate on your own family, instead of sticking your nose into other people's business and trying your damned hardest to make new mums feel inferior?

My method worked for me. Your method works for you. End of discussion.

Now doooo shut up and enjoy being a parent to YOUR offspring.

Thank you.

38 comments:

  1. Well as you know I do write a fair bit about parenting and choices, but I don't think that I preach - preachy posts can sometimes really annoy me. But if I don't like them, I don't read them. And everyone can make that choice too :)

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  2. Love this post. I enjoy a fair few parenting blogs, but not the 'why doesn't everybody parent the way I do?' ones. They just demonstrate a glaring, gaping lack of understanding that all children are different. I would not trust the judgement of anybody who is seemingly unaware of that simple fact.

    I do however very much enjoy parent blogs where the parent is clearly enjoying their children. Those are often labelled 'smug' but they're my favourites. As long as the balance is right. If you enjoy your children (as I myself do, very much) it's easy to slip into the belief that it's your astounding parenting that makes your children such a joy.

    In fact I freely admit if my first daughter had been 'advanced, gifted and talented' I could have been one of those awful parents who considered my mothering skills the SOLE AND DEFINING factor in my child's personality and ability. I fully expected her to develop at lightning speed and was astonished when she didn't. I think I needed to realise that kids are their own people. They're not models of our own parenting ability. Those who post as you have described above don't seem to have quite realised that yet.

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  3. I like advice in parenting blogs but not holier than though advice good practical advice is always welcome its if you choose to use it .

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  4. Well said........although my ranty friday is as a parent desperately needing advice and not being able to get it lol

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  5. I've always said the day that my blog becomes holier than thou, is the day I'd stop. I like to think stuff I've written about is helpful to parents or families but I've always tried to be "we do this cos it world for us, other people may not find it works for them" because I've been railroaded by the "perfect, my way or else" blogs myself. Good rant!

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  6. Well said! It's like there's some kind of parenting police out there who swoop down if a kid scrapes his knee getting out of a tree. That's what kids do--they climb trees and run and jump and play and get messy and have fun!

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  7. I guess everyone's blog is a place for them to share what they want to and if that includes some parenting advice (as mine is) then that's ok. However I would NEVER expect anyone to 100% agree with me, it's just about sharing things that have/haven't worked for me and usually my failures which I regularly laugh at. My blog is a place for me to share and then to promote discussion around that particular topic. Hope I don't come across as the Parenting Police?! I'd hate that label!

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  8. I think you are right about the insecurity. I always think that a first child is an experiment (sometimes to the child's detriment). The second one sort of has to fit in much more and its easier to manage.
    However, it is something that's personal to the mother.
    No need to try to enforce things on someone else.
    Maggie x

    Nuts in May

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  9. I think a lot of the enjoyment of having a baby or small child has been over-shadowed by the anxiety of "am I doing it right?" My midwife said to me, as she signed me off, "Enjoy your baby - I say that to all my mums". Very wise advice.

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  10. I very nearly expected my name jump out there for a moment or two! :)
    I have been writing about my issues with sleepless nights with my toddler, and I hope not in a manner that seems preachy, as that isn't how I want to come across. I have though been, let's say, in a little debate about the methods that I have chosen to deal with it, and have come under fire from others who disagree with me.
    I take it on the chin though. I'm a great believer in doing what you feel is the right thing for you and your family. You know them better than anyone.
    The people who cannot connect with you through your blog will eventually not bother reading it any way.

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  11. Loud applause. And guess what, if you love your kid, the methods don't matter a jot in the long run. X

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  12. I'm new to parent blogging, haven't come across any preachy posts...yet.

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  13. All we can do is bring our kids up as best as we can and write about the good things, and yes the challenges. Do this and do that posts are only helpful if it's good sound practical advice that works not the 'thou shalt do things my way' kind of post with the sermon. No thanks. Good post and well said!

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  14. You know in the beginning I honestly felt I had to justify myself of how I was parenting. I'm so glad that I'm just able to brush it off now. I read some blog posts now and am able to smile to myself and think if you say so but I'm not going to get riled up about it and move on. It's amazing how easy people find it to be judgmental especially when it comes to parenting. I realise people use their blogs for so many different reasons so be it.

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  15. Amen

    Is there a blog God?

    Is there heck as like. I am sick of it. There are no rules in social media so don't tell me how to do it or what to do.

    I am SO with you on this one.

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  16. TOTALLY AGREE! You kindly commented on my BLW Police blog a couple of days ago so know i am right there with you. Why do people have the time to even care?! Madness.

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  17. I'm inclined to agree with you there. Although I have written parenting posts before. They were in an effort to help those on a similar journey and never judgmental or preachy. And the anti co-sleeping or 'my child sleeps through the night' brigade drove me demented! I simply told myself they were lying!!

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  18. I just muddle through, I wouldn't presume to offer anyone advice, as mostly I am just coping rather than following a prescriptive method of parenting. I like hearing peoples parenting stories, but I don't like being talked at or dictated too. Children, like all of us, are all different, and what works for one doesn't for another- having three of the blighters I can completely confirm that they all require different types of things from each other!

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  19. I have a pet theory that mostly these are people who do not get listened to or have very little authority in their offline world. My biggest hairs-standing-up-on-the-back-of-the-neck moments are when people and their causes tell me I'm part of the problem if I don't tweet this, or link to that or status whatever. I didn't cause the problem. Go find the people who did and harangue them.

    In cultivating my second blog, I am careful about who I follow and trying to make sure the people in my timeline are people I can and would want to have a conversation with. I mute everything else.

    Topic right on the money as always, me dear. HMSx

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